when you need to laugh.

Now we both know you're funnier than me, but I'll try this out, see if I can even get a little smile on your face. Here's a story for you:

About 3 years ago I was going on a run down the Hutt river at like 5 in the morning, recently I had been getting a little bit of runners diarrhea but I took a shit before I drove down to the river and was feeling good, nice and light, bowels empty.

I started to run and it was feeling absolutely fine, happy as Larry, speeding through the dark along the river. I get to the halfway point of my run annnnnddd, not so happy anymore. I feel a shit coming on, but not just a little niggly feeling in my stomach but like a full on rush, like the feeling you get just before you fart but you know it's not just a fart.

I am panicking a little bit but I'm kinda happy that I'm running along the river and there's plenty of bushes around, also it's 5am so no one is out. I am almost about to shit my pants but it could be so much worse! (there's some positivity for you). I dash into the nearest bush and rip my shorts down around my ankles and without any strain or effort from me, a massive log falls out (hahahaha sorry). obviously, I have no toilet paper, I'm in the bush. So I just hoped for the best with skid marks and hey, I thought, at least there's not a smushed log in between my cheeks.

I pulled my pants up and walked out of the bush and, shock horror - there's someone walking their dog right there. I quickly start to jog (sprint) off as I see the dog dart inside to the exact bush that I left a hot steamy log in. The massive shit that is just sitting there, surface-laid, ready for said dog to lick, eat, or sniff - maybe even all of the above. I ran so fucking fast back to my car, you'd have no idea, new land speed record I reckon. Anyway safe to say I didn't stick around to see what happened with the dog and my poo but I was so embarrassed and scared I would get in-trouble, I just cut the run short and drove home (to have a long shower) haha anyway hopefully that put a smile on your face at minimum xx I love you.